You thought about your dreams, goals and where you want to be in 5, 10, 15, 20 years and what you would be doing and with who and where and all that good stuff. You even write down your dreams and/or goals in a notebook. In that moment you are all caught up, filled with passion in all the possibilities you see for yourself. It’s an hell of a charge – it’s an emotional roller coaster because you can see it so clearly. You are emotionally high without any drugs then you go home and reality sets in. You wake up the next day and the reality you’ve created hits home HARD. Same house and/or apartment, same people, same jive from the same environment, same dead-end job, same negative spouse, same tired old excuses. Time passes by and you feel less and less enthused. You don’t go over your wheel of fortune, you read your goal book less and less, your business is not making the progress you thought it should be making this time, so in time you have lost your vision, your gusto, your spunk. You’re a failure and this is not the first time. Ooh, you want to crawl into a hole and cover yourself up for a long time and not come out. My friend you have lost the Battle of the Mind!
Why is it you can stand on the cusp of life and see with little effort all the glorious things you want to do and have, but making it happen is just out of this world for you? What’s happening, what’s going on, what is missing from you and this puzzle??
A technique, a bridge, a tool that you aren’t using that can make all the difference in your life and the lives of others. This tool or technique I’m talking about can make all the difference in your life and your business associates. What I’m referring to is affirmations or what others simply call self-talk. Self-talk is simply what you and I do each and every day, throughout the day. It comes from what you believe about yourself or how you feel about yourself. It springs from you. It’s like a light switch; you can switch it off or on – or make it negative or positive. Self-talk affirms the good, the positive, it’s thinking of the best for the better.
Take online/network marketer X and how he interacts with people: “The last person I talked to wasn’t interested, I hope this talk goes smoother. Well, here goes nothing… I hope I don’t sound as stupid as last time. Maybe I need to stop because I can’t do this…maybe my wife was right, maybe this business doesn’t work. I must be out of my mind to try something like. I must be a glutton for punishment. Nothing I ever do works out. I’m not a quitter, so I’ll give it another month for this business to work then at least people can’t say I didn’t try”. But online/network marketer Z is using a completely different talk strategy, listen to this: “This feels great, I feel great. I love the way it feels when I’m sharing my excitement about my business with other people and listening to what they have to say… this is a blessing. I’m a skillful communicator…it’s such a joy to communicate with other people. I’m really the best at what I do. Today is going to be my best day. I’m knowledgeable about what I do… I help other people get what they want so I can get what I want… I want the best for myself and others…this is a game and I’m constantly winning. I really am getting very good at what I do… I am very successful… I am grateful…I am talking to people who only want to be my business partners”.
Does either conversation sound familiar? “Hell no – I don’t talk or sound like that… I don’t self-talk.” Oh yeah? That’s you self-talking right now. Everyone does it and regardless of what you say out loud your inner conversations with yourself will have more impact than you can possibly imagine. They can powerfully determine what results or future you create. Even though self-talk conversation is silent and quiet it will drown out any other conversation you will ever have. You can spend hours and days making your goals and planning your future and that’s great – but your inner talk will determine to a great extent HOW YOU FEEL about those goals and visions.
Your self-talk will determine just to what lengths you will go to write them down, read them faithfully, believe in them religiously and follow through month after month, year after year. When we were young we thought and imagined we could do anything – we were full of possibilities. There were really no limits to our imagination, but as we got older somehow we begin to process and think differently and it’s just when we are old enough to do something about those dreams we had to make them turn into reality. BUT what happens? We become re-programmed by our own experiences and other people’s commentary. In short we call it or it can be called reality of the “Three R’s” which set in over time and it is this insidious process that causes us to stagnate and believe others outside ourselves. This process – these “three R’s” begin to distort and lower our self-image to the point we may start to forget we have one. WE, I mean you and I begin to repeat what “they” said and it becomes a part of our self-talk.
Now this “new” self-talk begins to act as a filter through which we view the world and our experiences – they create and reinforce our reality. And the experiences that support our negative self-talk easily pass through the filter and get added to the negative self-talk junk pile which supports the “why things don’t ever work out for me” syndrome. And you now the longer this continues the more likely you and me will continue to “react” rather than respond to situations that we could have handled better. We repeat the same thing over and over and then expect a different result – and we wonder why this is happening again and why we can’t get things done successfully. Sort of the definition of insanity, heh! Now this is important – get this; GRADUALLY, over the years, we begin to give up on ourselves and throw in the towel and resign ourselves to what is below us and chalk it up as fate – and we don’t even know why.
What we have to do is change the pattern – break the cycle (Tony Robbins). Since all self-talk is TALK we all make up – we can change it for the better by being aware that it exists, and secondly, begin to notice when it is happening and decide whether it’s moving you in the direction you want to go. A clue to this is: if you are not feeling joyous or in a happy mood about what you are feeling or thinking SOMETHING is not happening right, something is wrong, something is off, so fix it right away. Change up, and modify self-talk. Thirdly, you must realize where self-talk comes from. Realize that you make it up and that you can choose to change it or not. This takes patience and a little courage and practice to embrace this process but it’s something you can begin to change right now.
However, don’t beat yourself up when you are unaware of what’s happening (your own self-talk is running you), but as you become aware of your self-talk you can become more aware and shift the process to your own advantage where it beginsto empower you. Now that you know this is a choice you can begin to change your situation and circumstance by conscious use of language. Meaning choosing thelanguage that will support the direction and results you want. The choice will be either of two: (1) creative justification or (2) creative interpretation. Creative justification is simply adding negative fuel to the fire of negative self-talk which goes back to where we were talking about how your negative experiences from self and others justifies (supports) why you can’t do something and “why” things never work out for you. Whereas, creative interpretation is totally the opposite of what I just said. Here are some guidelines since doing this may be easy for some and hard for others:
*Use self-talk in the first person and present tense – (“I am, I will…..).
*Only use self-talk in short sentences or thoughts – (one or two).
*Embellish it with positive adjectives – words like, “excellent, brilliant, best, industrious, successful, skillful, etc.
*ATTACH/PUT your feeling into it”.
*Read them over and over – aloud – until it is all you can think about. Remember you are reprogramming yourself just like training a muscle with weights; it needs a lot of repetitions.
How would it be if someone called you first thing in the morning and said: “You are really a great fantastic person. I love to be around you and listen to your advice. You have great energy and insight, your enthusiasm is off the charts, and your creativity is unmatched”! Imagine if you heard something like this first thing in the morning – what a way to start the day.
This is the blessing of using self-talk/affirmations. You make the voice in your head become your friend by doing this every morning and evening and throughout the day. Using self-talk/positive affirmations is like going to the spa or getting a massage or wearing clothes that make you look awesome. You feel different, look different, walk different and talk different – you begin to carry yourself DIFFERENT!When you use and apply self-talk you empower yourself and it shows and other people will notice by feeling your energy and will be attracted to you and your business(es). I know a lot of people say they didn’t get involved in network marketing for personal development (MONEY; well at least they are honest about it), but it comes with the territory.
In case you forget or didn’t know getting involved in business or network marketing is an indication you wanted more from life; so remember if you want more you have to become more as the saying goes. Once you see it works you’ll like the feel of it and will want to continue down this road because who doesn’t like feeling and being bold, courageous, confident, powerful, magnificent, loving and accepting yourself fully. It’s even contagious in a good way although it can be hard at first, but once you start down this road anything is possible. You can create mission statements, goals, and visions of the way you want your life to be, but your self-talk/affirmations will determine how you really feel about yourself and them. Giving you the mindset necessary to follow through and take the actions necessary to make them come true today, tomorrow, next week, next month and years to come. Do this for yourself, your family and your followers…I’m an effective writer, I’m an effective writer, I’m an effective writer!
All the best,
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P.S. “One can easily measure the character of a person by the way he or she treats you when you can do nothing for them”.